Internet Rankings by keyword "Mail Order Bride, Sex, Porn, Lesbian"

So here I am doing research online on how to promote my blog. I've learned some internet marketing techniques, but don't let me bore you with the techie geek stuff, I'm here to talk about sex, relationship, dating along with anything real nasty and real gross...

Note: The content below is for adult viewing only.

Please do not take my writing seriously, it is just meant to make you laugh so you pee in your pants. Also my blog editor Dan the Man is either mad at me or off on New Years holidays...so don't mind the spelling and grammar mistakes...

I went on Google Trends to see what the "hottest" topics are and typed in several nasty words for fun. Interesting enough, Google Trends started ranking by regions in the world where these words are searched the most.

Top 4 region to search for "mail order bride":

*based on worldwide traffic of the word "mail order bride" in all years

** Trends are decreasing for this search word

1. United States
2. Canada
3. Australia
4. United Kingdom

Top 4 region to search for "porn":
*based on worldwide traffic of the word "porn" in all years
** Trends are increasing for this search word

1. Ireland

2. United Kingdom

3. Australia

4. Canada

Top 4 region to search for "sex":
*based on worldwide traffic of the word "sex" in all years
** Trends are rising for this search word

1. Viet Nam

2. India

3. Indonesia
4. Turkey

Top 4 region to search for "lesbian":

*based on worldwide traffic of the word "lesbian" in all years

** Trends are rising for this search word

1. Australia
2. United States
3. Canada
4. United Kingdom

My conclusion:

#1. North American men loves those mail order brides (a very high % of them lives in Yaletown)

Trends are decreasing, which means these women are divorcing the perverted old men and running away with their money. Ok, ok, just joking ~ younger generations do not have the need for this demand anymore, the economy is tanking, ok? They are moving to the cheaper alternative, Japanese "real dolls" that looks better and won't talk back!

#2. Irish men are not getting it from their women, so they are surfing for "porn". Trends are increasing, which means ...ummm, damn, can't think of anything to bs this one...

#3. The Vietnamese are starting to learn about sex and gets this information online before practicing it in the bedroom. Trends are rising which means the more "studying" translates to more "satisfaction".

#4. Those Austrialian really loves their lesbian women. Trends are rising. No comment.

Hope I do not offend anyone, this piece is purely for humor.

The ranking is however fact! ~ Jan 01 2009

Open Relationships

Open relationship: is an agreement between 2 people to allow one another to see each other plus everyone else under the sun.

Benefits: both can dabble here and there until they build up their list and the guy/girl at the top of the list gets the best time slots (which is... whenever he/she wants kekeke).

Commitment: Of course the guy at the top of your list will always be the one you want and you always demand commitment from him, so, if that bastard doesn't commit to you, you give him time and wait until he's ready (either ready to commit to you or...ready to see you next time).

Think of it this way, one real cute girl is picking and choosing from 5 guys., she's sleeping with them and sucking them dry every night. She is an honest girl and tells them straight out that she has 4 additional lovers on the side. Sounds so romantic and adventurous doesn't it! :)

Scheduling:

Let's say she's you, and your effort on trying to get dates will correlate with how "HOT" the guy is. So the hotter the guy, the more time you invest in texting, calling and emailing him to come out and see you. The guy on the lower end of the totem pole get the last minute booty call and less work is required. Get it? Good.

Now, let's assume that most people want to go out and date on weekends. That leaves Friday, Saturday and Sunday where we will pencil in our 5 guys. What happens if all 3 guys want to see you on Friday and you later find out that 2 of your premium guys is out on the town. Of course, you will seek to find out their where abouts and you get there as fast as you can before the other bitches gets to them! keke

Time slots:

At 5pm, the guy on your lowest totem pole is probably the sweetest and most innocent guy, so he's willing to make you a nice home cook meal. After the meal he plays his guitar and sings to you. You suck and swallow to thank him for his sweetness. He's busy, so you let him get back to work. Then, quickly, off you go to your next schedule date at 8pm.

At 8pm, guy #2 greets you with a passionate kiss. You forgot to wipe your mouth so there are some cum remnant from the last guy on the side crack of your lip. He licks his lip and ask you what chap stick you were wearing cause it doesn't work too well. You quickly excuse yourself to go to the bathroom to gurgle so he doesn't detect the cock breath. After drinks, you remember why you like him so much...it's because he has a HUGE cock! You agreed to a quicky and he cums into you nicely and it's a lot of yummy white cum. hehehe

By 10:30pm, you excuse yourself to go see guy #3 at his place. You remembered that you loved guy #3 because he's sooo good with his tongue. He just loves eating pussy!! So as soon as you stepped in through the doors, he smiles and you know he's in for a nice treat! As he's licking and slurping he noticed that you are extra aroused and wet today. He loves it! And he loves the taste of your cum!!! Wait, wait...suddenly, there was a gush of white yummy cum flowing out of your vagina. He ask you why, you're so wet? You're not a squirter, you're a gusher...then, you remember that's lots of cum and it must belonged to guy #2.

Since guys never taste each other's cum, how would they know it's some other guy's cum? You tell guy #3 that you've been eating beans, so you probably taste weird down there. You apologize for the after taste and promise to drink more pineapple juice next time...hehe Guy #3 gets a dose of healthy protein and you are satisfied woman. =)

By 11:45pm, you get a text from premium guy #4 responding to one of your texts saying that he's at home and if you want to come hang out and have a few drinks, it should be ok. You quickly excuse yourself saying that you need to meet up with a girlfriend.

Premium guy #4 opens the door to let you in. Guy #4 is really good looking so you definitely want some action from this guy. However, he says he just want to hang and just be friends, nothing more and you are ok with that. Both of you drank and chatted like best friends and then your phone beeps. Finally!!Premium Guy #5 is in town! He's you're top man!!! You quickly call a cab and you get ready to run downstairs. You get to the door to leave and Guy #4 is now piss drunk...he looks at you in a weird way. This is now your chance to do Guy #4!! You quickly do a "bend over" pose and guy #4 drops your pant and sticks his dick into you. Damn! He can't feel a thing cause Guy #2 had a BIGGER dick. Guy #4 makes a quick maneuvers and stick it up your ass. Tight, much better...hehehe After 5 minute, he's done and you're off to see Premium Guy #5! Yippeee!!

Things men does for women of their dreams...

Men will do anything to be with the woman of their dreams!!!

Just as you would do anything to be with the man of your dreams, men will do anything to be with their dream girl.

I heard through a friend of mine that she somehow convinced her ex-boyfriend to get himself circumcised. I wonder if his impotency came before the circumcision or after? Hehehe

Things that men are willing to do...

#1. Fly across the country to see you
#2. Buy you stuff: house, car, jewlery, travel..even pay for your tuition
#3. Pick you up at the airport late at night
#4. Eat and drink things they don't normally do (eg. drink creamers, eat smelly fishes)
#5. Drive for hours to see you every weekend (live in different states)
#6. Pay for your dinner (eg. they don't pretend they forgot their wallet. haha)
#7. Gives u his credit card while he is away travelling (so u can book your flight to see him!!)
#8. Make you dinner, lunch and breakfast (and you don't have to wash the dishes either!!)
#9. Focuses only on you! (eg. no wandering eyes...haha)
#10. Wait for you ... forever... (hmm, that is a little bit extreme..)

Friends with Benefits

A friend with benefit is one that is good enough to fuck but not good enough to be a girlfriend. Poor suckers…. Friends with benefits are called upon out of convenience, they serve a purpose and they have no right cling to you or demanding your time. We take them to diner once in a while to thank them for their service.

Urban Dictionary Definition:

1. A safe relationship, that mimics a real partnership but is void or greatly lacking jealousy and other such emotions that come with a serious relationship.

Don’t settle for less!!!

There are so much women out there that will settle for less. Perhaps it is either blind love or loneliness that forces us to lower our standards and accept a life of misery.

Men does the same too. Perhaps they just got their heart broken or they’ve just broken some poor girl's heart and does not feel too good about it. They stop being “romantically” involved but the “physical” still exist. If their existing partner accepts being in a non-committed relationship, then she will pay the price. She can pretend that even though she is still “emotionally and romantically” involved, she will simply hide her feelings and settle for what she can get.

A very bad decision as eventually, the physical activities will become dull and boring and he will continue on to find a new and more interesting mate. That is how you get your heart broken! And all he needs to tell you is that we “had a mutual understanding”.

Remember...If he likes you he will go to the end of the earth to get you!!

Men will choose one outstanding women over access to hundreds of mediocre ones. If a man sees you as mediocre and insecure, so is his time invested in seeing you. If he sees you as someone who is great and he wants to be with, he will want to spend every moment he gets with you. His thoughts will be filled with your image, your perfume, your voice…and he will reminisce about you and your times together…

Dirty Text Messages

Whoever invented text messaging is a genius! This method of communication virtually reduces any fear of rejection when one attempts to ask a gal on a date or for a booty call. It also makes it easier to lie to your spouse or partner without having them detect a hesitation, a suspicious tone in the voice or your where about (eg. your at a club).

As I mentioned it is a great way to automate mass text messages to all your booty call counterparts. So that if one actually takes a bite, you are a lucky dude or chick!

Also good for long distance relationships and workaholics that travels all the time.

eg.

I miss u and I want ur dick in my mouth. Yummy!! I'm all wet!!
Ok, I just want to cuddle then slide u inside me. :) xoxox

hahaha

Size does matter

Up to a certain point... or size...sorry guys, size does matter. Especially if you are a size of a thumb (erected). I actually do feel sorry for men who are penally challenged in size. Through hearing various stories from my girlfriends of how they are disappointed when the men dropped their pants and strategies for avoiding the awkward situations.

The three-month rules go out the door when size does matter. The 3 month rule is a rule where a woman refuses to have sex with the guy for three months thus driving him insane, hopefully with lust during the wait and finally, once they consummate, time will have developed an emotional connection where the male will not be able to detach. So, when size does matter, this rule goes out the door. If you think about it, a gal could be investing her time in strategizing to hook in her man and is then disappointed in the end. If this is a concern, cup him in a moment of intimacy and you will know what packages you’ll be in for. lol..

On the other hand, for some women, size really doesn’t matter. We’ve surveyed N number of women and found that there is actually an inverse correlation between the size of a man’s penis and his generosity. Works on some case...but I don't buy it cause I've dated several very well endowed men who are very generous...haha

Friends waxing friends

I have a girlfriend in the esthetics business and she just finished her training as a waxing specialist. She has the utmost angle face with child-like innocent voice. Sandy needed some waxing “models” and asked several of her guys and girlfriends. The guys who volunteered tend to be those who were currently secretly in love with her, and for a guy, what a fantasy is that! Having a beautiful girl wax your genital and watch her looking at your most prized possession. It is absolutely stimulating for a guy! She sees your package, she touches your package, it might hurt a little (no, actually a lot!), but it’s all worth it…until it leaks out to all your friends and the girl you’re dating finds out. Hmmm. That would be weird. lol

Fake Boobie

Fake Boobie. They are everywhere in Yaletown.

I secretly despised them. Perhaps I secretly want them, but I have equivalently large breast so I don’t need them. Oh well.

They stand up when you are up,
They stand up when you are lying down,
They are up when you’re upside down,
They are always just up.

Also, I probably just despised them because I’ve had real ones all my life and I don’t understand (or just not willing to,...refuse to understand) why in the hell a woman would want to mutilate her body that way…alright, that’s a bit harsh...

Why would you want to introduce something foreign into your body for the purpose of esthetics? Isn’t that what make-up is for? Perhaps some women feels that they are scamming the guy and tricking him into thinking that they have boobs if they stuff their bras, but isn’t this the same thing anyways? They feel like balloons...who wants to carry a couple of ballons around? ok, ok cheap shot...

Seriously, if I was to get one, I get them after I have children once they sink to the floor. hehe